Twisted Luck
by The-Immortal-Gilgamesh
Summary: Harry drank the Felix Felicis, and for the next few hours funny and impossible things happened. What if the magic inside him saw that the Liquid Luck was a way to survive the coming war? To gain the love he would need, and desires so much? What if his magic found a way to extend the effects of the potion … indefinitely? Harry/Harem Lucky!Harry
1. Twisted Luck

Disclaimer: I do not own, harry potter, nor make any profit from it.

*note* Ginny isn't in this chapter, but she will be in this story, and she will come in soon. Please be patient ^-^ thank you.

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Twisted Luck

Chapter one: Twisted Luck

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Harry Potter, known as The-Boy-Who-Lived, the wizarding savior, the Chosen One, and probably a hundred other capitalized and/or hyphened names was sliding down the banisters of Hogwarts screaming at the top of his lungs. Through some strange twist of luck or magic, the staircases were switching in such an order that Harry was slipping from one to the other seamlessly. "Hi Ho Hogwarts!"

Or maybe the School – that many thought had some measure of sentient though – was just having fun as well.

Far behind the zipping boy Hermione and Ron were bolting down the stairs as fast as they could, but failing to keep up with the speed of their friend. Ron was redfaced and panting by the time they hit the bottom stair to find Harry waiting for them. It seemed like he had gotten bored though, as he was currently balanced on his hands, having taught himself to walk on his hands sometime in the last two minutes.

"Hey guys, took you long enough," he said turning around and looking up at them from between his own shoulders.

"Harry you have to come up to the Hospital Wing, something has gone wrong with the potion," Hermione said, walking towards him slowly like one would do approaching a skittish animal who might run at any second.

"The what?" Harry asked, experimenting with clapping his feet, succeeding in only making a rubbery sound as his shoes banged together. "I don't think anything is wrong. In fact I feel better then I ever have. It's such a nice day, don't you think? I feel like everything will work out. Don't you?"

"No mate," Ron said though gasps. "You're acting crazy."

"Harry, do you remember the potion you just took?"

"Yes," Harry replied, getting the hang of walking on his hands and circling them. Hermione was turning slowly to keep him in sight and Ron was just grateful he didn't have to run again. "It's was the golden one. The Felix one … Hey, I remember a cartoon about a Felix! Do you think that cat made the potion? He seemed strange enough."

"It was the Felix Felicis, a luck potion." Harry lead them down the hall, his two friends keeping him in sight. Susan Bones came out of a adjacent hall and just watched them pass in confusion. "Something seems to have gone wrong. You started to say something about your relatives, and then Voldemort. Do you remember that?"

"Yup," Harry said gleefully as he negotiated his way slowly down a flight of stairs. Susan, ever curious followed along, not sure of what to say. "They're going to kill me. Well, maybe not at the same time. The Dursleys don't like magic much and Tom doesn't like not-magic either, so I think it'll be one or the other. Tom is very good at killing curses and torture curses and the like, and the Dursleys are very good at breaking my bones, throwing me into my cupboard and starving me."

Harry stopped at the bottom of the stairs, the open doors to the Great Hall just in front of him. Hannah had come to find Susan, and now both of them were watching the scene with morbid interest as Ron noticed them. "Hey do you think they'll have a contest to see who kills me first? I wonder what first prize would be. Second prize should be my Firebolt. It's a very good broom, and I won't be needing it when I'm dead. Oh! We should also have a third prize! Maybe the ministry would like to get in on it!"

"Harry you're not acting like yourself, do you notice?" Hermione said slowly, in a calming sort of voice, still approaching him slowly. She had her wand in her hand, but didn't want to stun him if she could help it. They needed to get him to Madam Pomfrey quickly, but who knew what the additional magic of a spell might do to whatever was already affecting Harry.

"Hello Susan!" Harry suddenly shouted happily, managing a sloppy wave with his right foot. "I didn't see you there. My you're looking very pretty today. Have I ever told you that I love your hair. I've always had a thing for red hair; don't know why. You also have a fantastic thinking face, very cute. And Hannah! How are you two doing this fine day. Care to come for a hand walk around the lake with me? I could take you to meet the merpeople. We can't say mermaids cus there are guys as well."

Susan cocked an eyebrow at Hannah who just smiled and nudged her with a sly grin. It was clear Harry was under some kind of influence, but that was the best time to get the truth out of someone. Not dropping her smile she wrapped her arm around her best friend. "What else do you like about Susan? Huh Harry?"

"Oh lots of things!" Harry said happily, as Hermione took the distraction to sneak around behind him, hoping for the chance to pin him down until Ron could get help from a teacher. "I love her smile, especially when you two are talking. It just seems so genuine. I think she's wicked smart, although you seem to always score just as high in the finals so I know you're smart as well."

"We're both very brainy," Hannah said in a teasing sort of voice, making her friend blush a little and hiss at her to shut up. "Do you like smart girls?"

"Oh yes," Harry said, nodding vigorously. "Dean says I'm gay since I don't drool over Lavender dancing around in her low shirts, but what does he know. I like breasts too, and Susan's always seem to spell me. Hannah's too when I come to think of it, but I can't stare, it wouldn't be proper. No matter how inviting they are. I have been wondering how soft they would be to snuggle up on her chest. But that would be rude to asked and I don't want to be slapped or thought of as a horny idiot like Dean or Ernie."

Susan's mouth dropped open and Hannah blushed red and lost her train of thought. Harry wasn't done though, and just continued to wax on while having this goofy little smile on his face. Partially innocent, and partially a little perverted. It wasn't creepy like how some of the boys would leer at them, more kind and soft actually. Both girls found they wanted to hear a little more, and liked what they heard already.

"I am also a bit of a bum person, according to Anthony Goldstein. Dean says it also makes me gay, but I really don't see how. I don't like guy bums. It's just girl bums that seem to hypnotize me." Harry laughed a little. "And Susan's just moves so nicely under her robes. And the few times I've seen both of you in jeans was just heart stopping. I think I almost walked into Neville once while walking behind you two to class. I couldn't take my eyes off Susan's bum as it rolled back and forth, and Hannah's was just as enticing. I was rather hard when I got back to the common room after Herbology, and after spending the whole class trying not to stare at your amazing arse's and failing I left the class with my bit's aching and headed straight to the showers."

Ron paled and tried to think of anything else. In the boy's dorms you know what's going on, but you just don't think about it, nor advertise for the sake of your dorm-mates.

Hermione had stopped a few feet from Harry and was breathing a little deeper as the thought of her best mate in the shower, with aching balls, stroking his cock. Water streaming down his body as he moaned, and shivered. She bit her lip as the Harry in her fantasy cried out hard in climax and shook and groaned as his cum spurted out over his hands.

Susan and Hannah were both having the same thoughts, and were feeling the same tension pooling between their thighs. Susan shifted her position slightly, subtly rubbing her thighs together as the knowledge that Harry had been pleasuring himself thinking about her rolled over her mind. Hannah wasn't far behind and was letting her eyes roll over Harry's inverted body, imagining what he looked like that afternoon.

"What were you imaging?" Hannah asked, a light blush on her cheeks. Susan gave her a jab in the ribs, but the girl just smiled a little wickedly at her friend.

Ron clamped his hands over his ears and started humming. Of course he was still worried about Harry and he never took his eyes off his best mate in case he took off again, but he sure as hell didn't want to hear about his wank fantasies.

"I was thinking that you might want to join me in the shower," he said smiling widely. "I was thinking about how you might smile at me, sort of wicked. I've never had anyone want me before, and I would very much like to be wanted. Everyone wants the Boy-Who-Lived, but in my imagination people can want me, and only me. I can belong to someone, and feel like I have a place. I would help you get undressed slowly, kissing every inch of your skin that I find, then I snuggled your boobs. They were very soft, and I could hear your heartbeat. You wrapped your hands around my head and held me close. After a little while we went under the water and explored each other, and the whole time you watched me, and saw me. Not the hero, but just me."

Susan's smile faded a little, and her heart went out to the boy in front of them. Hannah was seeing a whole new side to the boy who everyone had an opinion of. He was always thought of as a hero or a roguish type. There were rumors that he had a few girlfriends, but no one had ever talked to someone who had even so much as talked to Harry like a romantic interest. Hannah was sure that f you asked every other guy in the school what their fantasies were they would be very perverted, and with little heart. Oh there would be a few exceptions, but to hear that Harry Potter, the boy who could get thousands of women into his bed by simply asking, was fantasizing about something so tender, personal and intimate was …

There didn't seem to be many words to describe what Hannah felt, and standing next to her Susan was thinking much the same thing.

Hermione was standing frozen behind him, unsure of what to say. She knew her best friend, and wasn't too surprised to hear what he said, but her mind kept coming back to what he said before. A terrible thought entered her mind and she was almost afraid of the answer.

'_They're going to kill me.'_

No doubt, no hesitation, just an acceptance that he wouldn't live. And she was sure that the two girls didn't know Harry well enough to hear the underlying sadness in his voice when he talked about wanting to make love to them in the shower. To connect to them so intimately … because that's what it would be to Harry. He could never just fuck and leave anyone. He would give them his whole heart. But the way he said it … it was like he had accepted that he would never have anyone who would want his heart.

"Harry," Hermione said softly, crouching down beside him.

"Hey Hermione!" He said, turning to her with a cheerful smile. "Don't be sad my Hermione. I have fantasise about you too. Although most of them are in the library. I especially like the ones where I tease and touch you very softly under the table, as I kiss your delicious lips." He chuckled happily at her. "Then you either touch yourself until we both cum hard, and I sneak a taste of your fingers because I'm curious, or you get so hot that you lead me into the back shelves and have your wicked way with me."

Hermione flamed, her face blushing so hard she could feel how hot it was. He fantasied about her to? She felt her heart constrict hopefully, in a way that she didn't quite understand. She was always the bookworm, the girl who studied to much and was never noticed because she wasn't the thin buxom idea that most guys their age went after.

This new development would need some serious thought later.

"Hey where'd he go?" Ron asked, having taken his eyes off his best friend for a few moments, only to find Hermione couching, and the other two girls discussing something and seeming to be off in their own little world.

"Who?" Hermione asked, still recovering from what she just heard.

"Who! Harry who! You know, our best friend who is currently all messed up over that luck potion he just took!"

Frantically looking around Hermione stood up, searching for her friend. Susan and Hannah had also seemed to have snapped out of it and were also coming closer to help find the boy who was still on their minds.

"Where do you think he could have gone?" Susan asked, looking a little worried. All of what just happened aside, Harry didn't seem to be himself, and the last thing she would wish on anyone was harm.

"Dynamic Entry!" Thundered Harry's voice from inside the Great Hall.

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Well that's the first chapter :) Hope you liked it. I may be uploading it on other sites as well, there will be links on my profile if that comes about.

_As you might guess this is going to be a harem story, I haven't quite decided who all will be in it. Votes in the reviews will be taken, as well as any random thoughts you might have._

And just a note, the girls won't be supermodels, like they are in some stories (no offense to those who have stories like that) I just wanted something more natural, and varied in my story.

See you all next chapter

Gilgamesh


	2. Lemony Evilness

Holy crap... I have never gotten twenty reviews for a first chapter... ever! Thank you all very much. Just a note, the first few chapters of this story will be the very first night of Harry being lucky and getting used to his new changes. The story will have some serious parts later on, and will deal with fighting voldemort, although I am still contemplating just how.

The harem vote is going on now. Everyone can vote once per chapter until it closes. Here is a current list, if you have someone else in mind that is not on the list I will be happy to take your imput and if I think I can weave her in well I will add her to the vote list. I have several vacant places that I would be happy for you all to vote being said, there are a few story lines that I'm currently toying around with, and am unsure if I'm going to add them, so there might come a time when I do add those lines in, pulling a girl to the harem that either wasn't on the list or was low voted.

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Your votes will count for about _**80 percent of the harem**_, I just have a few ideas of my own, and rule one of writing is to write a story **you** want to read. So here is a list of girls that I will not be adding in. sorry if you like them.

Cho Chang – I don't like her. I know that she was set up to be the unattainable perfect girl, so I can't fault her for much. I just would be forcing every scene with her in it and would quickly bore of the story and abandon it.

Any teachers – I did get a PM asking for McGonagall. That would weird me out a little, so sorry, but no.

Pansy Parkinson – I am toying with a story line for her, so she's out. Plus I am not to fond of her as well.

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Everyone can vote once per chapter until it closes

Ginny is 100 percent in. So no votes needed I think?

4 – Luna Lovegood

3 – Hermione Granger

4 – Padma and Parvati Patil (both)

2 – Padma Patil (alone)

0 – Parvati Patil (alone)

4 – Tracy Davis

4 – Daphne Greengrass

1 – Astoria Greengrass (was suggested)

4 – Susan Bones

2 – Fleur Delacour

1 – Gabrielle Delacour (was suggested)

2 – Tonks

1 – Katie Bell (was suggested)

More maybe added later.

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Chapter Two:

The entire hall was watching in stunned silence as Harry danced across the tables, leaping from one to another, occasionally kicking over pitchers of pumpkin juice and trays and bowls of puddings. Though they were thinking that the spillage was intentional as the only ones who seemed to get splattered were select Slytherins and people who could be called 'Death Eaters in Waiting'.

"Potter! What are you doing!" shouted a Ravenclaw seventh year as Harry twisted through a rather complicated tango with an invisible partner. All down the tables people were starting to talk and whisper, raising the volume of the hall a few notches.

"I'm sorry," Harry shouted back in a slightly robotic voice. "I appear to be out of my mind right now, please leave a message after the beep as I have gone out to look for myself. If I return before I get back, please make sure I stay here."

"What?" Neville mumbled, lifting his cup out of the path of tapping sneakers.

"I am now the Prince of Pudding!" Harry crowed at the skylined ceiling. "Worship me for I am a merciful ruler, and offer up your Treacle Tarts in homage to my tasty greatness!"

The Weasley Twins thought this was awesome and immediately leaped up onto the table without missing a beat, like they had been expecting this moment for years, and fell to one knee like one would standing before the Queen. "We wish to be your knights, oh mighty and just warlord of sugery goodness."

"I'm sorry my lads," Harry said in a voice that sounded so much like Dumbledore that everyone gave him a strange look. "But I already have my round table picked out." Gred and Forge looked crestfallen. "I am in need of some Harlequins though, if you would be interested?"

They glanced at each other, cracked identical grins and bowed their heads. "Yes, oh mighty Pudding Prince. We wish to be your jesters."

"So it shall be!" Harry boomed, well as much as he could. All around him many people were still sitting totally still in shock. Some even had forkfuls of food hovering in front of their mouths. No one really knew what to say. Really, what was there to say? "Wait, I can't officiate people in these clothes! I need something more refined and princely! Dobby!"

A small house elf popped into existence beside the table, looking around in a little bit of a bewildered way. Even still, his almost manic smile at being called by the Great Harry Potter never wavered in the slightest. "Up here Dobby," Harry whispered out of the side of his mouth, standing as still as stone, one arm still flung out in front of him as he looked over Fred and George in what might be called a princely manner.

"Yes Mister Harry Potter sir, what cans Dobby be doings for you?" squeaked the elf happily, unsure why his Great Harry Potter was standing on a table with two of the Wezzeys, but not thinking much of it. If the Great Harry Potter wanted to stand on a table, what harm could be in it? And at least he had some friends to join in. Fun was always better with friends.

"I need a staff and cape befitting my station of Pudding Prince," Harry said, winking at his little friend. "Nothing too fancy please." Dobby nodded frantically and popped away to find the items.

"What is going on here?" Professor Snape said silkily as he walked into the Great Hall for Supper and took in the sight before him. Students at all the tables were starting to snap out of it. Up at the staff table Hagrid and Professor Vector were the only ones seated for supper so far. It wasn't unusual for some of the Professors to be a few minutes late, or some to miss supper all together.

Harry looked over to the Bat and then back to his harlequins in waiting. "I think we will have to postpone the officication of your stations until I deal with the rather large Bat-Man thing that just walked in. They can be very dangerous you know. Always swooping around and attacking unsuspecting victims before flapping away."

Severus looked down his nose at the boy currently waving his arms around in the impression of a large bat. Professor Snape was rather unsure and shocked at what he was seeing, otherwise he would have be very quick to lash out with point reductions and detentions.

The Weasley Twins were taking it quite well, and turned slowly and dramatically as duel expressions of terror and disgust rolled over their faces. "Sweet Merlin, George, do you see this Bat Mutation before us?"

Snape's eyes narrowed, and all around them the students were either trying to stifle laughter or were waiting eagerly for the inevitable explosion.

"I do my dear brother, let us hide behind our Prince and hope he has some technique to repel such a beast." Both twins moved behind Harry making cross symbols with their fingers, casting evil eyes, and generally looking terrified from over the shoulders of Harry, who was rather skinny and didn't hide them in the slightest. The hall exploded in laughter as Harry gave Snape his own evil look, as if he were contemplating what dastardly ploy to defeat the beast before him.

"That is enough of this tomfoolery," Snape said through a sneer. "Twenty Five points from Gryffindor a piece and a weeks detentions with me. Now sit down before I make it a month and a hundred points each."

"It speaks!" Harry shouted in horror over the laughter. "It's trying to cast some spell over us. No doubt to restrain us so that he can dunk our heads into vats of grease. That's how they turn you, you know! My god, this could be the beginnings of a worse epidemic then the one that ravaged the Americas in the fifties!"

"Potter what are you on about?" Malfoy demanded, having entered the Great Hall just in time to catch the last of that. Behind him Ron ran in, searching frantically for a totally out of control Harry and skidded to a stop, right into the ferret, and through some dumb luck managed to knock the boy face first into a bowl of rice pudding.

"Behold the Might of the Pudding Prince!" Fred and George shouted, pointing dramatically at the mess that was dripping down Draco's face. His mouth was working, and from how red the portions of skin that had avoided being covered were turning, he was trying to find appropriate words of anger to throw about in fury.

Hermione took one look around the hall and her mouth dropped open. This was getting worse by the second. Susan peeked around the corner and snickered seeing Draco trying to wipe the pudding off his face and Harry standing on the table with the Twins making faces at Snape from behind his back.

"Oh Great and Mighty Hogwarts, your Loyal Champion begs your assistance," Harry shouted to the ceiling. "Please make a distraction so that I may smite the unbeliever of Pudding Delights!"

"Hagrid!" Hermione shouted, making her way over to the head table, thinking that the large man would be able to capture Harry without hurting him, and most importantly, without magic. "You have to help us catch Harry, he's not well. We have to get him to Madam Pomfrey."

"What's wrong with 'im?" Hagrid asked as Harry started incanting something that sounded like he was praying to the sugared cereal gods, while Snape was spitting mad, running through with his threat to give all three of the boys a months detentions and taking three hundred points from the house.

Of course now Slytherin house was killing themselves laughing, thinking that the Boy-Who-Lived had just killed any chance for Gryffindor to win the cup. Now if only they could find some way to turn the rest of the school against him again. It didn't seem that hard, they already did it twice with minimal prompting.

The Gryffs were not happy at having lost so many points in one fell swoop, and many were thinking that the humor of the joke was wearing off. Words of anger were now starting to roll up from the table beneath the three boys while The Puffs were still confused and a little amused, and the Ravenclaws were starting to think that something was really wrong with Harry.

Well, all the Claws except one petite blond, who was bouncing happily in her seat in glee and with a look on her face like she knew something everyone else didn't. "Finally! I knew it would happen soon." From next to her a third year was edging slightly away from Loony Lovegood, while Harry continued to chant on in some nonsensical language.

"We were making a batch of … a potion," Hermione said, suddenly thinking it wouldn't be such a good idea to broadcast to the whole student body exactly what they had been making. "And of course Harry insisted he try it first and it seems like we made a mistake. Oh, you have to help him, please Hagrid."

"R'ght." Hagrid said, getting up and coming around the table. This seemed to get Professor Vector in gear and she followed her colleague to assist in anyway she could.

"I call upon the might of Hogwarts!" Harry thundered, his voice booming off the ceiling with an impossible volume, before slowly tapering off. Everyone inside the hall froze, feeling the pressure of something new in the room with them. Hagrid slowed to a walk, and then paused a dozen steps from Harry. Hermione and Susan glanced at one another, and back at Hannah when she walked into the Hall, her eyes cast high in search for the source of the feeling.

Harry couldn't have actually summoned something up from Hogwarts … could he?

Snape turned slowly, his wand in hand, his narrowed eyes scanning the corners of the room, looking for something that everyone could feel but couldn't name. No matter how much anyone tried they couldn't even get a general direction of the feeling. It was like whatever it was existed all around them at once.

Luna laughed, her voice sounding strange in the deathly silence, drawing every eye to her. "In places of concentrated magic, sometimes... not often, but sometimes under the right circumstances, and with impossible luck, flashes of other realities can slip through." She clapped happily, seeming to be bouncing with energy, her radish earrings swaying in an undetectable wind.

"I think I got something wrong," Harry said in a pensive tone, looking to the head table where the force that everyone could feel seemed to be focusing. A spot of light, bright yellow, like fresh lemons and somehow smelling like it as well, began to grow.

"Uh oh," Luna said in a slightly worrying tone of voice. "Harry, I think you may have accidentally accessed one of the forbidden realities."

"Did I?" he asked bewildered at his own creation. After all he wasn't really sure what he intended to happen. It just seemed like a good idea. "I didn't mean to. What kind of forbidden reality?"

"Oh it could be any number of them." Luna got up from her seat and wandered over to the lemon spot in the middle of the head table that just continued to grow. "It could have been one of the realities where an evil, yet inept overlord took over. It could be one where you were never born, or were born with a twin who was wrongfully identified as the Boy-Who-Lived and you were abandoned or forgotten. It could have been one where you somehow became a magical creature, or evil, or even convicted to Azkaban. Yes, I think that's more the branch we're seeing. Lemons are very evil you know."

"So it's an evil reality?" Harry asked, coming to her side and poking the lemon spot. It was now about the size of a basket ball, and most of the people in the hall were getting the feeling that it wasn't something that should be poked. That might explain why so many of them were walking rather quickly to the doors. Others were just hiding under tables till the feeling of danger went away. The Weasley Twins came forward and were standing to either side of the Pudding Prince. To the side Tracy Davis was on her feet and just watching, even as the rest of Slytherin table headed for the doors at varying speeds.

Quietly at first, and then all around them at once a ghostly voice ran out through the hall. "Preps... Preeeps and Masticators."

Several students suddenly clutched their heads and screamed as if all the sanity was ripped out of their heads and replaces by stupidity and bad spelling. One even started yelling, although no one could make out anything, except a single work. Goffic.

"No!" Luna gasped in absolute horror, her face bleeding of all colour. "No, no, no, please no. For all that is good and sparkly no! Harry what have you done!"

"I don't know," he admitted, looking around in fear at what the yellow spot was bringing to Hogwarts. "What did I do?"

"You didn't just reach out to any dark reality, you found the Blackest Hell!" Luna whispered, backing away from the Lemon spot, knocking into the Twins. Behind them the students who had been affected the worst were being levitated out of the Hall by Professor Vector and Hagrid was trying to corall the rest, hoping to keep some calm. Professor Snape was striding toward the group, his robes billowing and a thunderous look on his face.

"The Blackest Hell, only whispered of in alleys and under the thirteenth hour. The place from which there is no hope, or sanity. Where the laws of reality break down to the point that no one can even look at that place without having an eternal scar on their soul." Luna's large eyes were wider then Harry had ever seen them, and frankly her fear was scaring him. "Even the people of that plane are not free from the deterioration. Their names, memories, even histories are constantly in flux, never holding firm for more then a second. Even language is fluid and oozy. We have to get out of here now before anything manifests."

"I think it's to late," George replied, pointing to where a head of hair was already starting to crease into existence, like it was being printed off the copypress of satan himself. Words began to pour into the heads of any still within sight of the Lemon spot, telling a story of terror and woe that would haunt their nightmares forever more.

'_She had long ebony black hair (that's how she got her name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches her mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears' _

"What is inside my brain!" Theodore Nott shouted, clamping his hands over his ear, jerking up nearly ten feet into the air shaking around like a doll on strings in a perverted dance before collapsing to the ground and into merciful darkness.

The face of the devil rolled into existence and everyone froze, though not through any choice of their own. They were being held by whatever black magic this world was created from. It wanted them to see, and suffer the horror that was Enoby.

_'She's a Vampire, but her teeth are straight and white. She loves Hot Topic and buys all her clothes from there. For example today she was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. She was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. Over her back was a cape made entirely of Hot Topic tags, flapping in a perfume caked air that made several student puke. She wasn't a slut, and anyone who said she was was a fucking Prep.'_

Through great strength and a general need to get the fuck out of there Harry broke free of the black magic in the only way that it could be. It should have been impossible, save for a million to one chance, but this chance might just save this reality from being over written. The Magic holding people in place cracked, and for one single second no one moved. They just watched the last of the horror before them move into their reality and open her eyes.

"What are all ytuo preps staring at! What are you ding? I had beetter not cathc any of you masticating to me later you fucking pedos and perverts." She flipped everyone off. "Where arte all the cool goffic people? Drako, what happened to your facre! You were suppose to mneet me for the MCR concert in the fobidden forest until it was crashed by those death deelers." Inexplicably, black tears, mixed with blood began streaking down her face and she did not react in the slightest, like it was an everyday thing.

"She's speaking in tongues!" A muggleborn screamed in terror. "Don't let her eat me! Please I don't want to die a virgin!" The gates broke and it was a mad dash to the doors. People were knocked over and almost stepped on in the rush to be free of this spectacle. Even now as they ran, everyone could still see the Beast in front of them. Her presence was already tearing the fabric of reality and she was everywhere.

Alica waved her wand at the she-devil, trying to conjure something to end the pain that was being imposed on everyone. "Kill it! Kill it with fire!"

Snape was casting and shielding, standing between the students trying to run and the thing before him, but every spell seemed to come apart mere inches from striking, or veered away inexplicably and crashing into the wall behind.

Padma threw open the doors and found Dumbledore standing on the other side and Ernie threw himself on the ground before the Headmaster and cried like a baby, begging to be saved from the demon within. Parvati stopped in her tracks, as did many behind her. This wasn't the Dumbledore they knew. He looked as ghostly as the spot did, and the reek of Lemons hung around him like a shroud of death.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!" he bellowed blowing people off their feet and throwing them across the floors and tables. It seemed like there was no hope. Already several students were on the ground, crying and waiting for the fate that awaited them. Harry Potter however, was not about to lay down and let this lemon universe overwrite this one. He bolted forward without fear, and pushed through the layers of Marysue-feild that surrounded the slutty vampire wanna-be, and with one mighty shout punched her in the face. Hard.

With a screech and a final cry of 'Preppsss,' the thing that was hell itself began to melt and fold into itself, the stench of lemons rotting rolling out around her. At the doors, the doppelgänger that looked like Dumbledore popped out of existence like a soap bubble, leaving many still on the ground where he had cursed them … literally.

For several long seconds no one moved, or breathed. They all just held still, waiting to see if whatever they had just witnessed was really gone. Slowly, as nothing else presented itself, they began to move about. It was then that Umbridge decided to show up, and stopped in the doorway, looking out over the total chaos that had become the Great Hall.

And standing dead center of the head table, almost like an unruly child looking out over his work, was the Potter boy.

"What is going on here?" She simpered, looking directly at Harry so that no one had any doubts as to who she was placing blame. Harry stood still like a deer in the headlights, before the liquid luck now running through his veins gave him his course.

"I must go!" Harry shouted, running the length of the head table, leapkicking Umbridge right in the stomach, knocking her back several feet and jumping over her bug-eyed and gasping form. "My people need me!" He was around the corner, and out of sight long before anyone could even think to stop him.

Luna was back to normal, or at least her own version of normal and smiled knowingly as he disappeared. She watched him go, thinking to herself that all of those quidditch games had given him quite a nice ass. Her thoughts were echoed by several others.

* * *

The Cameo and head nod made in this chapter is that of My Immortal, considered to be the worst fanfic of all time haha. really, it felt like i was getting dumber as i was reading it. you can read it in it's full version here.

myimmortalrehost2 webs com (put dots in the spaces)

I like many others believe it is in fact a Troll Fic. If you read it carefully, it actually follows a formula. It hits on every cliche and every bad habit that you see in terrible fics. worth a read for the laughs. Believe it or not, it actually had over ten thousand reviews (99 percent flames) when it was deleted.

Remember to vote for your favourite girls to appear in the Harem ^^


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